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Friday, December 7, 2012

Feeling self-conscious about my boobs

Usually they’re not really foremost on my mind, but today my son took a photo of me and I thought “Wow, my boobs look like they need more…hmm…support?”

Just so you know, I turned 50 recently and that really hasn’t affected me much. Or, at least I didn’t think so. When I saw that photo I remembered the old joke about the sick, old woman who couldn’t stand the pain anymore and asked her doctor how she should end it all.

“Do you have a pistol?” the doctor asked.


“Just shoot yourself next to your left nipple.”

In the morning the woman woke up, still despondent. She grabbed her gun and shot herself in her left kneecap.

When I first heard this joke as a young woman I was horrified, but the older ladies in the group all laughed hysterically. “There can’t be any truth in that!” I insisted.

Luckily, I’m far from the National Geographic native stage where pendulous breasts and bellies merged in glorious black and white photography. But still…when I saw that photo today I did check to see if A. I was wearing a bra and B. if I was slouching or C. I am secretly a divine goddess, damn the state of my boobies.

I decided to draw a card from the Zombie deck wit this question on my mind: “What is the best response to how I feel about my boobs?”


I’m really happy about this card…it says a lot of about where I am right now, just passing the cusp of fifty, preparing for a new stage of life, in the quest of a new adventure. I may be changing my perspective on life, but it’s a positive as it asks me to combine resources (with other likeminded women, perhaps?) and move fearlessly “to get further faster.” In Joan Bunning’s tarot book, she describes this card as one that asks me “to be a visionary—to dream beyond current limitations. It can indicate premonitions or other intuitions about what is to come.”

What’s to come may be more victories for gravity but I’m going to put my team in a huddle. Prepare for one really joyful defense!

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